Mountain Dew
by Roz and Guild
Summary: The dwarves have an interesting experience with a unique Elvish beverage during their short stay at Rivendell.


Hello! This is Guild :) This story is rather silly, but I had fun writing it. I'm pretty sure 'Mountain Dew' is sold everywhere, but just in case anyone hasn't heard of it before, it's a type of soft drink.

* * *

Thousands of stars twinkled around the bright crescent moon perched in the indigo sky above Rivendell, shining down on the dwarf camp which was huddled on a sheltered balcony overlooking the valley. A soft breeze danced through the air, tickling the many garments of clothing that the dwarves had strung up between pillars and sending little sparks leaping out of their fire. Most of the company were gathered around for warmth, their chatter harsh and loud in the peaceful atmosphere which shrouded Rivendell. Only Thorin, Balin and Bilbo were absent, having gone off with Gandalf and Elrond to discuss their quest.

"I'll go find some beer up here!" Gloin suddenly announced, hoisting himself to his feet. The rest of the dwarves cheered in agreement. The only beverage served at dinner had been wine, which they had all drunk plenty of, but most were pining for a good cup of ale. Fili offered to go with him and, accompanied by Oin, they set off. Bifur grabbed another table leg from the furniture he and Nori had dismantled. Snapping it in half, he threw it onto the flames before settling down and holding a bunch of silver beet over the fire. He was the only dwarf who had been truly satisfied with their Elvish supper. The others were all rather hungry. Bofur had found a solitary sausage in his pack, and was now cooking it, sniffing in delight as the faint scent of roasted meat wafted through the air towards him.

In a corner, Dori was giving Ori a stern lecture on why one should never use one's host's furniture as firewood. Now and then Nori cut in, insisting that they'd only used old and, as he claimed, already broken pieces. He took a whiff of the long johns he had just pegged up to dry, wrinkling his nose and wondering how they had managed to forget soap. Just beside him, Bombur was sitting on a precarious looking table, miserably picking at a plate of white bread and salad. Taking pity on him, Bofur made the tremendous sacrifice of offering him the sausage. Bombur caught it in delight as his brother threw it to him, but with a loud creak, the table beneath him collapsed and he fell, food and all, onto the floor.

"More firewood!" Nori declared as the others erupted into fits of laughter. Between chortles, Dwalin managed to heave Bombur into a sitting position while Nori scrambled to rescue the sausage, which Bombur finished in a matter of seconds. The dwarves had just settled down again when Oin, Gloin and Fili returned empty handed.

"Not a drop of beer to be found," Gloin said dismally.

"What? Did you check the pantries?" Taking a puff of his pipe, Kili put down the knife he had been examining and moved over on his wooden bench to make room.

"We couldn't find them," Fili said, sitting down and patting his pockets for his own pipe. "Just a lot of elves wandering around and singing. We did ask Lindir though."

"Will he find some?" Nori asked eagerly.

He was answered by the arrival of Lindir himself, who suddenly stepped onto the balcony holding a large, elaborately-carved wooden tray containing three massive crystal jugs and teetering stacks of glasses.

"Some refreshment, as requested," he said pleasantly, looking for a place to put the tray down. His eyes hovered over the pile of broken table and the unmistakable remnants of Elvish furniture crackling in the fire. Without comment, he held out the tray to Bofur.

"What is it?" Bofur asked, peering curiously into one of the jugs. The liquid within was a pale yellow with hundreds of tiny bubbles floating upwards.

"We call it _Mountain Dew_," Lindir said.

"Eh?" Oin held up his ear trumpet.

"Mountain Dew!" Bofur repeated enthusiastically, thinking it sounded a rather pure and exotic beverage.

"Never heard of it," Dwalin growled.

"It is unique to our people," Lindir explained. "You will not find anything like it elsewhere in Middle Earth. We pride ourselves on its invigorating properties."

"Let's have a taste!" Kili leapt forward and helped Bofur pour out the drink. With every splash, the liquid sizzled dramatically and the bubbles shot to the surface in white foam, threatening to spill out of the delicate glasses.

"Sorcery!" Gloin exclaimed, backing away from the glass Kili proffered.

"It's quite safe," Lindir assured them.

Soon every dwarf held a glass.

Dwalin sniffed at it suspiciously. With the other dwarves watching, he took a very small sip. "Oof!" He winced immediately.

"What's wrong?" Ori looked at him, wide-eyed.

"It stings your tongue!"

"It's called 'fizz'," Lindir explained.

"I don't think I like fizz," Dwalin said gruffly, hurriedly putting his glass back on the tray and sitting down against a pillar. Gloin immediately put his glass down too. The rest of the dwarves stood there hesitantly.

"Well, is someone going to drink?" Kili asked at last, breaking the silence.

"You try it!" Bofur said, nudging him.

"Fine." Putting on a brave face, Kili inhaled deeply and then took a large swig of Mountain Dew, gulping down his entire glass in one go. He felt the cool, fizzing liquid shoot down his throat, like a sweet and refreshing waterfall. "Ahh..." he smacked his lips when he had finished, nodding his head thoughtfully.

"Well, what's the verdict?" Bofur asked.

"Good!" Kili reached for the jug and poured himself another glass. That was all the encouragement the others needed. They all downed their Mountain Dew in one shot.

"Let me know if you need any more." Lindir melted away into the shadows.

"Very refreshing," Fili said, swirling his glass around and watching the bubbles cascade to the surface. "It has a fruity flavour. The fizz is actually quite nice."

"I agree. It's nice and cold. I can taste fresh lemon in it." Nori took another huge gulp. "What do you think Ori?"

With his glass to his lips, Ori nodded enthusiastically. "Try it again Dori," he urged, for his brother had shuddered and shaken his head in disgust. "It grows on you."

"Eugh! No thank you." Dori held up a hand. "It's too sweet!"

Bifur nodded in agreement and went back to his silver beet, while Bombur, screwing up his face, went back to picking through his Elvish bread. Oin went to sit with his brother. "I think I'll settle for water," he said disappointedly.

"That just means more for us!" Bofur exclaimed. He grabbed the jug and gave the others still standing, Fili, Kili, Ori and Nori, a refill. "To Mountain Dew!" he shouted cheerily, shooting his glass into the air. The others cheered in response and clashed their glasses together with a colossal _CLINK!_

"How about some wrestling?" Kili asked when, after many servings, he finally put down his cup. His skin was tingling and he felt full of energy. Lindir had been right. The drink was exhilarating.

"Some of us would like to sleep!" Dwalin protested. He and most of the other dwarves had wrapped themselves in blankets by the fire.

Ori was fidgeting. "I don't feel tired in the slightest."

"Neither do I!" Fili paced up and down the balcony. "I feel like singing."

"_There's an inn, there's an inn, there's a merry old inn! Beneath an OLD GREY HILL!" _Bofur burst into song, belting out a verse Bilbo had taught them on the road. Fili and Kili immediately joined in, loudly and somewhat out of tune. Nori warbled along in the background, pacing around with Ori who was so hyperactive he was practically bouncing. Dori groaned and clapped his hands over his ears.

"Will you please be quiet!" he complained.

Nori responded with a loud and undignified burp. Ori yelled in delight. "That's the best one you've done yet!" he cried proudly, before belching loudly himself. Kili and Fili quickly followed, burping together in rhythm.

"This is fantastic!" Bofur yelled, burping quickly about three times in succession.

"It must be the Mountain Dew!" Kili grabbed the jug gleefully and tipped some down his throat. Ori snatched it from him and quickly downed the remaining liquid. He took a deep breath and then let out the longest, most tremendous belch he had ever performed. It was truly magnificent. The others cheered in delight, but poor Ori suddenly grabbed his nose in alarm.

"What's wrong?" Dori asked, sitting up immediately.

"It burns!" Ori whimpered, clutching at his nose.

"Ow!" Kili, who had been attempting to belch out a tune, seized his own nose. "Mine hurts too!"

"What's wrong with them?" Dori asked with growing panic.

"Poison!" Gloin cried, causing Ori to squeal and Dori to turn deathly pale.

"Do something Oin!" Fili called desperately. His own nose was tingling and feeling mighty strange. He felt a burp brewing inside him, and suddenly a rush of burning pain flooded his nostrils, as if someone had shot sparks up his sinuses. He sat down on the ground in alarm, nose twitching like a rabbit.

At that moment Thorin returned, clutching his map and thinking deeply. He strode into the camp, followed by Balin and Bilbo. "We pack and leave. Immediately," he said gravely, before suddenly taking in the scene before him. "What's happening?"

"Our noses!" Bofur exclaimed, both hands clasped over his muzzle, face contorted in a most unusual manner.

"What's wrong with them?" A look of concern flashed across Thorin's face.

"I think they're falling off," Oin said gravely, patting Nori sympathetically on the back. Immediately, all five affected dwarves' eyes widened.

"What?" Thorin glanced at the empty jugs. Concern was quickly replaced by confusion. "What did they give you?"

"It was just Mountain Dew," Kili mumbled, tentatively massaging the bridge of his nose. Already he was starting to feel an improvement, although he was a little giddy, as he always was whenever he consumed a lot of sweet food. "I think... I think it's passing."

Very slowly, Ori scrunched up his nose. His nostrils widened, and he sighed in relief. "I feel fine now," he said a little weakly. Dori, who had been clutching his arm tightly, finally relaxed.

"Do you require medical attention?" Thorin asked.

"No," Fili said, glancing at his brother. Kili shook his head, sniffing violently.

"Then let us pack our belongings and go." Thorin began stamping out the fire. "Our business is our own, and we do not need the advice of elves. We must be on our way within the hour."

* * *

By dawn the next morning, the dwarves had left Rivendell, and Gandalf, behind. With no ponies all their packs and supplies had to be carried on their backs, which made travel slow and tedious. At about noon, after many hours of struggling up rocky and mountainous terrain, Thorin halted beneath the shade of a ragged cliff face.

"We will rest here for a while," he said, sitting down on on a cool, moss-covered stone and throwing his heavy bag off his shoulders. The rest of the company took off their packs and settled down, discussing lunch and the progress they had made in their trek.

A little distance from everyone else, Bofur and Kili were whispering eagerly together. Fishing around in his bag, Kili excitedly drew out a large leather water gourd. Bofur grinned and reached for the cork, but Kili froze in alarm.

"This isn't mine!" he whispered, staring at the blue leather stitching around the gourd's rim. "I took the wrong one!"

"Whose is it?" Bofur asked. Kili turned his head to glance at the cliff face. Bofur groaned. Kili scrambled to his feet. "Wait! Uncle!"

It was too late. Thorin had already taken a hearty swig from the gourd in his own bag. Immediately his face crumpled and he spat his mouthful onto the ground, spluttering and cursing in Dwarvish.

"What is _that_?" he gasped, wiping his mouth. All eyes turned to Bofur and Kili, who were looking decidedly guilty.

"It's just a bit of Mountain Dew," Bofur said, licking his lips nervously.

Kili nodded meekly. "With fizz."

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Thank you for reading! Reviews greatly appreciated.


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